You know, it had a been a good minute since I got down SA Town style. Seriously, San Antonio has a certain vibe, a certain style (crap, I hate it when Notepad isnt on wordwrap, as if I like it when I continually scroll from left to right in a never-ending sentence that seems to go on and on and on until I finally grab my mouse and click view-> word wrap and fix it.) I typically write my blogs 1st then insert them in Myspace Facebook my actual blog, hence why so many get written but then seem to have gotten lost in the endless shuffle known as the My Documents folder. Oh wait…
San Antonio is not Houston, and Houston is not S A, which explains why Im always over there. I love Houston and am slowly getting back in the H Town spirit, typified by a billowy confidence and a simmering pot of caged aggression that never comes to a full boil but only steams enough to heat that Hamburger Helper Lasagna you’re cooking 9and you should try this instead, it has less salt). Houston is like that, people who getz down for theirs, a real hustler attitude that I can appreciate. SA Town, well, its more like having to cut the grass on a hot Sunday afternoon, we’ll get to it when we can, and if we dont, fuck it, let’s get a 12 pack.
Quinceañera’s are pretty damn San Antonio, and even though they are prevalent in Latino circles, they are quite the Tejano tradition. Although many quinceañera’s now combine a mixture of popular culture (from playing Stevie B freestyle music to switching from Presidente to the Mr Bravo sponsored Patron (now Riazul)), quinceañera’s still retain a charm that rivals any pageantry. My 1st quince was this girl Michelle’s who happened to be my neighbor and asked me to dance in it. We danced Linda Chaparitta and Un Million De Rosas and the court did its’ thing, dancing the song in typical cumbia style, and the rest of the evening involved avoiding Michelle and tryna repair some rep damage. Long story, even for me, but she was basically my 1st (I know, I know, TMI)…
Quincenieras if Aaron Spelling was Mexican, made quality shows, and cared…
If you dont have the movie, its quite the show, mixing a bit of fallen expectations, teen pregnancy, homosexuality, and wisdom in the Latino community. I love this movie and highly recommend it, as it portrays several themes in a barebones yet dramatic way.
Nothing like that happened though; but my good friend Monica & Jen Jen invited me to a Quinceañera of non epic proportions. The Quinceañera was of course held in one of three places:
- Randy’s Ballroom (if you got that doe)
- a Bingo parlor / event hall (if you don’t have that doe)
- VFW post (if you got the hook up)
- my parents house (if you’re my younger sister)
Option B proved right as O 69 stared at my face all night; I was really hoping they would give us play cards as soon as we walked in. Another established tradition is to rent the biggest hall you can and inviting as few people you can because the invitations cost alot and you got some cheap padrinos (sorta like graduations at the Alamodome minus the sponsors). I, as carefully detailed to my soon to be wife Monica (by her parents mind you), said I would rent a much smaller hall (Luby’s cafeteria size… actually, fuck it, do it right there at Luby’s mayne! Imagine that shit!) and invite everyone and tell everyone to come out and to invite anyone so long as they werent buck. I dont mind ghetto centric or barrio driven, but people who get buck are the ones who generally are disruptive and create chaos. Have it packed! The quinceañera we went to had peeps but was too expansive and open, as it felt like a mile to the cash bar to get the set up and the dance floor looked like you were at Cowboys or something. I was looking around for the mechanical bull. Did you see those pics?
The gang and I went to Cowboys, but Moni and I were the only ones dumb / brave enough to do it.
Speaking of set ups, I was game as we arrived at just the right time but the wrong moment. I inexplicably fell in to a commitment trap (similar to the words “I Love You” except this time I didn’t say “I Love You”) when Monica and I arrived, but the main initial story was me thinking i ruffled some feathers of the old guard with my stupid brown bag of approximately 290 ounces of liquor I brought in with me. People looked at the grocery bag and wondered what could these youngsters possibly bring that can outperform our 450 ml bottle of Crown in its dismissive little purple bag as Buffy’s “Give Me A Reason” resonated throughout the Bingo hall…
The old man sat silent, looking across the Serengeti, as the younger yet mature lion showed its mane and entered the prairie knowing it could own all the lioness in the pride. Yet this lion was cool, calm, collected, walking in brazenly with its collection of spirits, each intoxicating not only lioness but the males around, who recognized the superiority of his collection. The older, visceral male lion, in an attempt towards grace, approaches the younger, more socially conscious lion and grabbed a bottle, wondering aloud what this fine drink known as X Rated tasted like, but his roar, his whimper, his lack of might neither challenged nor moved the younger lion, as he cooly responded… ” I dont know, I havent tried it”. The once dominant yet now humbled lion looked at the bottle knowing an invite to try it was, with each passing second, further from his grasp. The younger lion then got crunk…
In case you didnt know, that was just a long as caption for the clip. X Rated Liquor proved a hit, with its sweet and tart qualities, without being thick. Its obviously genetically predisposed to mixing, perhaps with a stronger, balanced Vodka. It really is Hypnotic with a twist, but its a good twist. We also had the Bossman (Patron), some Jameson 12 Year Old Whiskey, Jager, and some UV Vodka and it was a success. Pretty ridiculous, really. It reminded me of this other Quinceañera I went to about 2 years ago with some friends (Vanessa, Julio, and Hector) and we went buck over there as well. I dont even remember the drank, I think it was Patron, Hypno, Goose, and Captain Morgan (Vanessa, yup) but I remember clearly dancing to cumbias and letting myself drop and lettin my shoulda lean, my shoulda lean… that shit was wild, I swear fam, it was ill. (Note: this past Fiesta (really since 07) is indicative of my growth from “I’m gonna buy these drinks b/c everyone likes them so perhaps i should too” to “I bought this b/c I like it or I haven’t tried and wanna know if I like it. F group think…”) Anyways, a lil hole in the wall banquet, but it matched any Ive ever been to. We had a grand time showing them rooks how it was done in the big leagues. I even overheard… oh wait, that was a wedding. Never mind then… LOL! (Note: I still love Hypnotic.)
I would comment individually on them but they say a picture is worth a 1000 words and this blog alone is about 2200 so we cool…
The night started ominously enough as soon as I entered. Monica’s family was introduced and I became the subject of conversation. I could overhear the slight chattering back and forth as the “thats Rodrigo” turned into “he’s Monica’s date” to ” I hope she doesnt fuck him up”… nah, Im playin about that 1st phrase, but it was funny to engage with her mom and talk with her dad. i practically was handed Monica over after some debate and discussion. We had several interesting talks regarding personal freedoms, the right to protect ones property, and of course, politics. Senator President Obama, you better thank me for “dropping an ounce of MTBE in the aquifer” with these peeps. I was by planting seeds and letting that shit pollinate. (Note: Thats a horrible analogy re: MTBE as it is a pollutant but quite soluble, which were the grounds of my analogy and was… forget it) Anyways, we spoke and shared drinks as the night kept going.
Yes, there was a skill crane, and of course, I won several prizes that i handed out to little kids. I always win at those things. Girls should not fall for the “Hey, I won, I guess being with you is lucky for me, huh?” line b/c I already knew i was gonna win regardless. In fact, if I lose it’s b/c of you. you already eroding my game and now you gotta give chase to my crane skillios?
Afterwards, it was time to dance. Now, Im sure y’all already know, but in case you didnt, I getz down. You know, I really like dancing, and I just dont care about the crowd. If anything, I usually try to get it started. I remember one of the best times in 2006 was when Roger and I heard a song (it was TI’s What You Know) & we both got on the floor and started vibing and then these chicks danced with us and then finally people came on the floor. Before that, the dance floor at Envy was empty, but we got it poppin. Thats all though, as it happened in the Dark Period, so we won’t mention it again.
So we went out to the dance floor and I put on a damn clinic. Now some will say its because people got sick of my moves (lol) but it was cus I was in the zone and I was ill wit it. I was dancing Tejano with Monica and Jen Jen, and Jen Jen can attest, I was somehow making her blouse come undone er’time we hit the floor. Whoa! We then held it down for some 70s 80s action that included some jams from Michael Jackson! Can you guess which ones?
she was all up on me screaming… Yeah, yeah…” /// Micahel Jackson moves were pretty Thrilling…
I getz down! Scope the movement to the music and I can show ya how to do it! We then proceeded to do the Cha Cha Slide. All the kids and the Disney like atmosphere coupled with everyone following my lead required me to stay on the floor. Well, during the part of the Cha Cha Slide where he says “How low can you go?… All the way to the flo’?” and I went low, I mean real low, like boots with the fur kinda low. I mean, you saw the little kid on the pictures above, he was tryna show me up, so I had to leave a dent on the concrete… and also sprain my thumb. Seriously. I’ll get back to that in a bit. All these spaces in this story suddenly remind me how much pain it took to write this… lol
Well, the party was over and the lights caught us by surprise and the party had to continue. Jerry and Monica surprised all of us and hung out with us. Well, Jen Jen said “Dolce”… and Dolche it is! Swigs was packed and there was even a line at Dolce. We arrived all amped and ready to go, when Monica bust out with the “I forgot the wallet line.” We had a small moment of nervousness, and I thought fast and almost pulled a freakin Angelina-Jolie-rollin-out-the-car-as-Brad-Pitt-was-driven-off-the-cliff-in-”Mr and Mrs Smith” ”I’m-being-chased-by-my-wife-with-a-golf-club-I-need-to-get-the-fuck-out-of-here” hopped out the ride and spoke with a doorman. I gave the guy some cash, told him “We NEED to get in”, had em park the ride in the front, and we rolled in without hesitation. I grabbed Moni’s hand as she was still talking about her ID like a fool, saying “But what about the ID?” as we ushered ourselves in, no ID check, no nothing. Woah! We went straight rock star in that bitch, and after drinking all night we went straight to the bar and ordered more drinks, which was useless. We danced the night away. Jen Jen and Monica met some ladies who wanted some action; I think they wanted to go green…
I have no idea what I was thinking by this time. No I wasn’t drunk, my thumb really hurt…
We had a blast and we headed home… I woke up the next morning with a sharp pain on my right thumb, and looking it over it was swollen pretty bad. I, however, knew exactly when it happened, although some claim it was during my last thumb war championships. Nah, it was while doing the Cha Cha Slide. Yup, when he says how low can you go, I went low, limbo low, and when I popped back up, well, you’re supposed to use both hands or no hands. I used one hand and all the pressure went on that hand. I managed to pop up, but my thumb immediately went back and I felt it tighten. No problem, as the rest of the night I stayed off my right thumb while dancing (lol) and maintained. It still hurts.
Lisa claims to to be the thumb war champ but i whoop that ass er’ time we fightz. The last pic was the AM after pic…
PS Here’s that Buffy video in case you got all amped up thinking I would show that clip instead of that stupid lion shit I played. With its long ass caption… what a waste! *rolls eyes*
